You're Such A Stupid Idiot

Originally published January 18, 2026

I would never say this to anyone I love. Honestly, I wouldn’t even say it to someone I dislike. And yet, I say it to myself all the time.

I forget my daughter’s mittens. Idiot.

I send an email with the wrong “you’re.” God, you’re so stupid.

I can’t sleep, so I berate myself for ruminating… then get anxious about being anxious… then lie awake judging myself for not sleeping.

It’s relentless. And it’s cruel.

What’s wild is that this voice feels familiar, even normal. As artists especially, many of us treat harsh self-talk like a motivational tool. If I’m tough enough on myself, I’ll do better. Be sharper. Try harder. Care more.

But here’s the truth that stopped me in my tracks:Self-talk isn’t just commentary. It’s one of the most powerful performance tools we have.

The story we tell ourselves shapes how we show up, how we regulate pressure, how we recover from mistakes, and whether we burn out or sustain a creative life. And spoiler alert: contempt doesn’t produce better results. Care does.

That’s why this week’s episode meant so much to me.

I sit down with Antonette Cohen, former Broadway performer and now performance psychology consultant, to talk about self-talk, anxiety, and why the way we speak to ourselves matters more than we think.

Antonette brings both lived experience and science to the conversation, breaking down how performers can work with their inner voice instead of being run by it.

We talk about:

• Why negative self-talk isn’t a personal flaw

• How to create space from spiraling thoughts in auditions and performances

• Why self-compassion doesn’t lower the bar, it removes shame

• And how sustainable excellence starts from the inside out

If you’ve ever wondered why you’re so much kinder to everyone else than you are to yourself, this episode is for you.

Part of our Tools in the Toolbox series on managing anxiety and nurturing creativity for artists.

🎧 Check out Antonette Cohen on Self Talk, Performance Psychology and Sustainable Excellence.

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Thanks for sharing part of your day with Anxiety and the Artist.Be healthy. Stay creative.

– Allison and the A&A team