The Performance I Didn't Know I Was Giving

Originally posted November 30, 2025

I used to walk into a room and immediately crank up the volume to eleven. OHMYGODITSSOGOODTOSEEYOU!!!!!!!!!

I’d hug everyone, fire off questions, barely register the answers, and then slide straight into cattiness. “Did you see what so-and-so was wearing? What were they thinking?”

That was my social anxiety in full costume: the version of me that believed I had to be “on,” entertaining, and bigger than myself to survive a crowd.

The truth is, I’m not loud. I’m an introverted extrovert with a social battery that needs careful rationing. I like depth over noise. I try to lift people up, not pick them apart. But when my anxiety took the wheel, I shape-shifted into someone who talked fast, filled space, and judged as a way to hide how uncomfortable I was.

It took aging (and a global pandemic) to strip away that performance and let me start showing up authentically. And it turns out I’m not alone in that evolution.

This week’s episode features a conversation with creative business coach Kevin Urban, and we go straight into how social anxiety shows up for artists: the overperforming, the misalignment, the nervous-system misfires that make a room feel like a battlefield. Kevin shares his own experiences with identity, reinvention, and the pressure to present a version of yourself the world never actually asked for.

If you’ve ever felt too loud, too quiet, too awkward, or too “on,” this episode will land right where you need it.

🎧 Listen to the new episode with Kevin Urban.

💌 Think a Friend Would Like These Emails? Send them this link to sign up!

🎧 This show is completely listener-supported. If this podcast has inspired you, made you feel less alone, or simply brightened your day, please consider making a donation. Every contribution helps us create more insightful content — and we’re so grateful to have you with us.

Thanks for sharing part of your day with Anxiety and the Artist.

Be healthy. Stay creative.

-Allison and the A&A Team