All I Could Focus On Was the Mistake I Made

Originally published January 14, 2024

On New Year’s Day I got a call to sub at the last minute for the children's guardian at Merrily We Roll Along on Broadway. I hadn’t trained on the track, so a PA was going to train me for the first two performances, and then I’d be solo the rest of the week. Then several hours before my first show, I get a call that the PA is also sick. I would be doing the show without any training and just some notes. Cue my adrenaline going through the roof. I show up, and the kids dresser is also out sick and a sub is covering her track. So we’re both buried in our notes.

Thankfully, I’ve been doing a podcast about anxiety for the past three years, and I’ve managed to actually learn something in the process. I reminded myself of the advice of guest Terry Hyde, who so eloquently spoke about how anxiety and excitement share the same physiological symptoms…and instead of focusing on my nerves, I said to myself “I’m so excited for this opportunity.”

An army of helpful folks showed up to help me and the dresser, from stage managers, to associate directors, wardrobe heads and one very patient hair person who never got annoyed no matter how many times I asked “Where are we? Did the transition happen yet??”

On my third show, I ended up training another guardian on the track. Yes, I had run two shows blind and then I trained someone in a track I barely knew. Showbiz! During this performance, I almost missed a cue, and accidentally sent a kid to the wrong spot for an entrance. Everything was caught in time, and nothing went terribly awry. However….

All I could focus on was the mistake I’d made. I could feel my thoughts spiraling, and the need to apologize or make excuses…I starting composing a monologue in my head to one of the stage managers, and then thankfully, I caught myself.

I was reminded of the advice our guest Joe Abraham once gave, which is to ask yourself “What went right?” In reality, I had run the entire show with no major flubs. Frank Jr. made it to every cue and rolled along just fine. …and when I did find myself stuck, I had the wisdom to ask for help, acknowledge my mistake, and quickly move past it.

How often do we focus on the one thing that went wrong, instead of all the things that went right? As we start a new year, I’m making a conscious effort to focus on what went right. I’m also focusing on balance-as a result we will only be releasing one episode per month now. We have some great guests lined up and I’m excited to share their stories with you. Our first episode of 2024 will be dropping mid-February.

In the meantime, check out Joe Abraham's episode here and Terry Hyde’s episode here.

Happy 2024! What could go right?

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Thanks for sharing part of your day with Anxiety and the Artist. Be healthy. Stay creative.

-Allison and the A&A team